Apologies as a Talent

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Friday! (Weekend! Hurray!)

I’m going to talk about one of the things that kept me really busy this past while.

You see, I’m part of a large group that was doing stuff recently. We basically finished on Wednesday night, with a talent show. Now, I knew there was a talent show coming up. I really wanted to participate in the talent show. But you see, the problem is that many of my talents don’t quite work as an on-stage talent.

All right, I did some singing when I was younger. But the last time I sang a solo was approximately 4 or 5 years ago, and I didn’t know where I could find music or an accompanist at such short notice. So I entered the talent show, prepared to not perform, even though the officers of the organization really wanted people to participate. I mean, really? What guys among the crowd would want to watch me demonstrate hair braiding? And how do you perform writing a paper / Fluff Post on stage?

And so, as I was sitting in the audience, I was thinking about stuff, wishing I could think of something suitable to perform on stage. I’m not bad at improv stuff, but I need to be at least somewhat familiar with the subject. That counted out going up there and talking about some audience-given random topic. (There’s no telling what this group might have come up with that I would have had no clue about!)

And so, in the audience, I went through and thought about some things I’m good at.

  1. I can sometimes make people laugh. I can’t always do this on command, though, and I really didn’t want to set myself up advertising a comedy routine that wouldn’t be funny. Having people expect you to be funny and then not is just annoying. Both to you, and to the audience members. And comedy routines that aren’t funny seem interminable. (Ever hear the phrase “I looked at my watch at midnight, to discover it was only 8:05? Yeah.) So I was glad that I wasn’t up there doing an impromptu, unrehearsed comedy routine that would probably have gone badly.
  2. I can make a room messy. That really doesn’t work on stage- it doesn’t come through. Especially when you don’t have any props with you.
  3. Spinning. I’m fairly decent at spinning these days. But even so, the spindle sometimes falls, makes loud sounds/etc., and it was not convenient to get the spindle and wool. So that wouldn’t do.
  4. I’m sometimes fairly decent at slightly overusing qualifiers to the point of saying practically nothing. But who wants to listen to that on stage?

Then it hit me. I’m also skilled at over-apologizing. I could make an “apology” routine that incorporated many of my talents, and apologized for the “talent” not being a “talent!” And so, at intermission, I found the organizer of the talent show. I asked him if it was too late to put in a talent. Fortunately, it wasn’t! So I put my talent in, and called it “apologies.”

A few slots in, even though I wasn’t on the list, I got called up on stage amid a bit of confusion on the part of the other organizer of the event. And so, true to the name of the skit, I apologized for the lateness of the entry, and for the confusion.

I then went on to start talking about how I came up with the idea- you know, hair braiding & makeup (and paper writing) not being good stage talents. And I basically covered all the other things that I mentioned. (Except for the comedy bit. I didn’t want to prep people into thinking I’m not funny- I just didn’t want to raise expectations too high.) Included there were apologies for not having prepared a powerpoint presentation, and for a lack of boring pie charts.

Much to my pleasure, it worked. People actually laughed at it! No prep, I didn’t even mention my ability to make a room messy, and people laughed! That’s seriously one of the best feelings in the world.

In the end, I concluded with an apology about spending two minutes of their time that they’d never get back (MWAHAHAHA!) and concluded with a final apology for my lack of talent in a talent show.

It was really fun, and I only wish I could remember exactly what I said, because I might want to use it again the next time there’s a talent show I can participate in!

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