I know that I’m new to this world. But seriously, after finding out about the ostentatious wastes of money that exist, I thought I’d seen it all.
As it turns out, I was wrong. Horrifyingly wrong. Because, well, you see…
WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU PEOPLE BUY AND SELL ITEMS LIKE “BANANA SLICERS” FOR 10 BUCKS?
Banana slicers. You heard me. Designed to make perfectly even banana slices. Because knives are too dangerous for this fruit. Ten Dollars.
“Oh, my” is the right response. I mean, have you even seen the reviews? A ninja who used to make money by perfectly slicing bananas for celebrities (top of the 1 star reviews)? I think I may have lost all faith in your-
-Oh, those are hilarious!
Oh, sorry Fluffy. Um, you see, most of those reviews are written very tongue-in-cheek, and are definitely worth a read. Don’t worry, our world isn’t actually full of people who care too much about perfectly sliced bananas.
Wait, you don’t care?
Umm… Should I?
So, those reviews aren’t serious? Your world doesn’t actually care about perfectly sliced bananas?
How can you not CARE? They’re bananas! They’re designed as a mental challenge: How can you perfectly slice them, to the optimal thickness! And… you don’t care!
… What just happened?
Nothing. I was just staying in practice for if I ever go back to acting.
But seriously. Knowing that those are tongue in cheek helps a bit. But who comes up with a banana slicer in the first place?
People on too much sugar and caffeine?
Anyways, readers, have a great day!