Category Archives: Webmaster

Book Review: “Alibi: Jr. High”

My family & I are all bibliophiles. I seriously love to read. I especially enjoy fantasy, sci-fi, and sometimes generic “fluff” fiction. (Not romantic fluff. Eww. But books that have minimal content-value.)

Just last summer, I was in a Crown Books Store, and I came across a fantastic gem of a book. And decided that it was well worth the $8 the book store was asking for. Seriously, one look at the cover and I was sold.

The cover of the book Alibi Jr High

Book cover of Alibi Junior High

I know that they say “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but seriously? That cover just about says it all. “Alibi Junior High”, with a picture of a kid dressed like what Americans assume spies look like? Priceless.

Just to confirm that it would be as ridiculous as it appeared on the outside, I did start to read it. And oh my word. It was so unintentionally hilarious.

The first sentence: “I hate airports.” Yes. It was first person. And clearly trying to be dramatic.

On the next page, while still describing airports, and this (presumably spy) is going through the airport checking for potential threats, the phrase “It’s one huge, emotional paper shredder” appeared. How can you say “no” to a book like that?

And it keeps getting better and better. (Or worse and worse, if you’re looking for high quality writing.)

We discover that Cody, the main character of the book, is a thirteen year old boy who has been living with his father, and participating in clandestine operations all over the world. And, as he tells his aunt who he ends up living with due to odd circumstances, his “English and math skills are on a college level”, he speaks five different languages, has two black belts, has been to “every corner of the globe”, and he’s been in “more dangerous situations in any given month than most [Junior Highers] have been in their whole lives.” And now this kid is trying to go to Junior High, and trying to fit in, in order to stay undercover while his dad takes care of something.

Needless to say, it goes painfully on from there. This boy is “perfect”, except for knowing how to fit in. He knows more than his teachers about all of his subjects (it seems), he’s able to out-sneak a special-ops military man who’s home after being wounded, ends up sorting out the PE Coach’s bullying problem, starts a martial-arts / defense club, gets kidnapped (of course) and then manages to save the day. Oh, and he starts wearing fancy, expensive suits to school (while trying to stay undercover) because it’s what he’s accustomed to wearing.

Yeah.

Anyways, I discovered that it was a hilarious read. Most especially, it was a fantastically hilarious “read-aloud.”

If you’re looking for a laugh, melodrama, and totally unbelievable fluff, I highly recommend Alibi Junior High. Especially if you can get it at a major discount.

Have a great week!

How do YOU feel about Muffin Flavored Shrimp?

Webmaster, what is with that title?

It’s descriptive of what I’m going to be talking about, of course!

I thought that it had been too long since I went around terrorizing asking people I know random questions, so I decided the situation must be rectified. That was also helped, of course, by the fact that a perfect, totally random question came to me.

And it has to do with “muffin flavored shrimp”? Brassicae, I don’t think I want to know…

Oh, it’s not that bad. I was simply having a meal with friends, and somehow a variety of random words came into the conversation that turned into a delightful question. So, I went around asking people, “How do you feel about muffin flavored shrimp of the paintball variety that have been defenestrated after being exsanguinated?

Bwah? What does that even MEAN?

Well, working backwards: Exsanguinated means being completely drained of blood. To defenestrate someone is to throw them out of a window. And then I’m not entirely sure what shrimp “of the paintball variety” would be, but muffin-flavored shrimp would be odd.

Exsanguinated Defenistrated Muffin Flavored Shrimp

Exsanguinated Defenestrated Muffin Flavored Shrimp

Anyways, some of the answers were very amusing:

Answers

  • Wait, muffin flavored SHRIMP?
  • No, just no.
  • Who paid you to ask me this?
  • Ah, those poor unfortunates. Their situation is truly discouraging; they really need representation, and a voice amongst the people!
  • No. I’ve seen the kind of muffins you eat.
  • *confused noises*
  • Cooked or raw?
  • I think someone needs psychoanalytical counseling.
  • Why were the shrimp defenestrated? I mean, everything else makes sense, but why would you throw them out the window?
  • Well, I’m not particularly fond of shrimp. But I do like muffins, and I’m always in favor of defenestration and exsanguination. So on the whole, I’d say I have a positive reaction.
  •  Why are you a) draining the shrimp of blood, b) throwing them out a window? and c) WHAT THE BLOODY [] DID YOU PUT IN YOUR ORANGE JUICE?
  • You know, from what I understand, the counseling center is actually pretty good
  • That’s gross
  • I’m all for them!
  • I think that it’s a gross violation of shrimp’s rights. Freezing them and eating them is one thing, but this is something else entirely. I think that we should take a stand against this!
  • Not very useful…
  • It’s good that they’ve been drained of blood first.
  • If I knew what they were, I’m sure I’d be for it.
  • No. Just no. Muffins are supposed to be lightly textured and sweet. Shrimp are supposed to be meaty and salty. You can’t do that. It’s like… like ketchup and ice cream.
  • I don’t know, but they definitely would not be accepted by a finite state automata.
  • As long as there are enough teeth, I’m interested.
  • at this point, they are inedible because they have been thrown on the ground.
  • I’m not sure. I’m not a fan of shrimp to begin with, so the muffin flavor wouldn’t help.

What did that person mean, “I’ve seen the kind of muffins you eat?”

Oh, look at the length! I guess that muffins will need to wait until another post.

Anyways, dear readers, what is your response to this question?

Congratulations! You have introduced an “Earbug”!

I sometimes have problems.

Sometimes?

Yes, sometimes.

You see, I remember tunes. But frequently not words. And very frequently, not entire sets of tunes/words.

Furthermore, my friends often like music that I normally wouldn’t listen to. And unfortunately, their music gets stuck in my head not infrequently. And IT WON’T COME OUT.

A different friend of mine refers to those pieces as “earbugs.” And they couldn’t be better named, from my perspective. It’s something somewhat in your ear, and it won’t come out.

Oh, the tragedy. My heart bleeds for you.

Wow, you actually care about me?

No. That was sarcasm.

I actually find that quite amusing.

Oh.

Yeah, I guess there are worse problems to have.

But anyways. There’s currently one song that is frequently getting stuck in my head. It’s fairly popular, and also fairly inane. I mentioned this to the friends that introduced the piece to me, and they are quite pleased with themselves. In fact, “instead of blaming [them], [I] should give [them] a medal.”

Ooh, there are medals for annoying you?

Not yet, there aren’t…

Well, I guess I’ll need to fix that!

Hey!

Yup. Definitely gold medal worthy. Now, for an inscription… In this case, yes! Here we go:

Medal for introducing an 'earbug'

Congratulations! You “Introduced an Earbug”.

So, readers, if anyone introduces an earbug to you, you can now just copy a picture of this medal, and send it to that person. Voila, instant medal!

I’m not sure whether you’re evil, or a genius. Or none of the above.

All of the above. I’m an actress, remember?

My Favorite Ways to Procrastinate

Haha! I’ve finally beaten Fluffy to a Daily Fluff again.

Anyways, hello!

I’m sure most of you are human. As such, I’m also fairly sure that you sometimes want a way to procrastinate do something that may help you avoid doing something tedious that you probably ought to be doing. Or maybe you just need a way to take your mind off of stuff, and laugh. Well, I’m here to help you find some good ways to do that!

First of all, one of my favorite blogs: Cakewrecks. This is a blog devoted to cakes.

Cakes. How enthralling.

No need to be sarcastic, Fluffy. These aren’t just any cakes. No. These are Cakes that have been professionally made, but look… less than perfect. Or are just bizarre. (There are some very well done cakes that are just odd. Trust me.) I know it may not sound like a normal way to spend time, and it’s not! It’s funny and awesome. There have been several times that I’ve burst out laughing. Not only are the cakes amusing, but the commentary is phenomenal.

If you’ve already seen Cakewrecks and are caught up, one of the webcomics that I follow is Darths & Droids. This is especially for Star Wars & Gaming fans. The background is also quite amusing: What if Star Wars were actually a role play game, where none of the players knew about the universe? They start off with Phantom Menace, and are (as of right now) in the process of going through New Hope. This is another hilarious way to spend time. Seriously, there have been times I’ve about died of laughter. (Be sure to read the comments right after the comic. The creators give “tips” on how to run a RPG.)

In the category of “cute”, cuteoverload is always a good choice. I mean really, who can say no to pictures of adorable animals?

Do they have pictures of Horpadies?

I’ve never even heard of those. So no. What are they?

You don’t have Horpadies on your world? What a shame. They’re the cutest creature known to our world. They’re small, fuzzy, have these hugely oversized wings, and are known to melt people’s hearts. If they can be tamed, they make great pets. Of course, if they aren’t tamed they’re amazing predators.

Oh. We have something similar. They don’t have wings, and they aren’t always good pets, but they’re called “Polar Bear Cubs.” Or maybe “wolf puppies.” I think that site has some pictures and videos of both.

Back to the more geeky, another webcomic that my sister introduced me to is Girl Genius. This is a steampunk style amazing comic. First of all, it’s all about mad scientists. How can you beat that? Second, it totally brings to life a new world, with different cultures. There are monsters that have to have the right hat (and speak in a definite accent), there’s a castle that is alive and has an evil sense of humor, and there’s one scene that is about coffee. In a hilarious, “oh my heavens I need to read that again” sort of way. And the art is also phenomenal. Heads up, it takes a little bit to get into, but it’s well worth it. And they’re still updating every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So that’s a plus. (Or a minus, depending on whether you prefer reading a finished story, or there still being more to read.)

Last for today, again in the category of “cute”, Simon’s Cat videos are also amazing. I’ve never owned a cat, but I’ve been around enough to realize that these animated shorts fully capture the epitome of “cat”. And they’re just darling. I think I watched “Let Me In” multiple times in a row the first time I saw it. It’s absolutely priceless.

I hope you find something to help keep you entertained!

Ichabod Nickname

As I mentioned in the FAQ section, I sometimes like going around asking people questions.

Last Friday, the question was, “If you were named Ichabod Eichenberger or Ichenberger, what would your nickname be?”

I hope you intended to make that name sound as ridiculous as possible…

Of course. Please, give me some credit. Although to be fair, I didn’t actually come up with that name; a writer friend of mine did. She’s really talented!

I… see.

Anyways, as I was saying, I randomly asked some friends that on Friday. Here are some of their responses:

  • Embrace it, and not bother with a nickname. After all, if you do have a name like Ichabod Eichenberger, who is actually going to use your nickname? (Which is a fair point.)
  • Crane. (Clearly in reference to Ichabod Crane)
  • Bob. And before you ask, my favorite form of public execution is… (Don’t ask about the last part).
  • Icky. No, wait: Eichy. (Pronounced Ikey.)

Personally, I think the last person succeeded in making a nickname that sounds fairly reasonable. Almost cute, even!

So that means, alas, that my one friend has not quite succeeded in creating a name that has no shortenable form. I guess she’ll need to try harder next time.

How about you, though? What nickname would you choose? Or what is one name that you can think of that has absolutely no decent shortenable form?

Fluffy Snow!

Snow is delightfully fluffy. Especially when it falls in large flakes. As I’m writing this, it looks like I’m in a world of a snowglobe.

Seriously. It’s gorgeous.

Falling Snow with a Tree.

Tree and large snow flakes.

And another:

Falling Snow and a building

Snow, tree, and building

So, let me guess. Going off of the logic from Thursday, this qualifies as an over two-thousand word post, rather than less than 100?

You bet!

You know, sometimes I think you’re just lazy.

And other times, I know you’re just lazy.

I’d like to see you do any better, madam McGiggles! Especially when an annoying entity is making snide remarks every few sentences!

I already have. Have you seen my previous posts?

Nonetheless, your challenge is accepted. Tomorrow, I’ll do the “Fluff” again. And rest assured, it will actually have text.

Hm. I’m not sure that’s quite what I meant to do…

Too late. I’m planning out my post already.

Well, see you again tomorrow, folks!

On the bright side, I guess that means I’ll get to make snide remarks. 🙂

If I can…

Anyways, have a great day, and thanks for reading! I’ll see you soon!

The Poetry of Bees

I recently remembered a poem I composed a while ago for my sister’s benefit. I think I’m going to share it with you.

I think that I shall never see

a person who is like a bee.

For bees are striped and we are not,

Although we sometimes do wear spots.

Thank you.

If you haven’t already, you’re going to give someone nightmares.

Smudgy Unicorn

Towards the end of last year, I started to work a bit on some artsy-ish stuff. One of my more recent ones is a Unicorn I did in the same colors as TotalFluff.

Pastel Colored Smudgy Unicorn

Smudgy Unicorn in Pastels

Webmaster, you really need to work on getting some content…

But… this is content! After all, a picture’s worth 1000 words, right?

Not where I’m from. Seriously, you need to work on getting content.

But isn’t that your self-proclaimed job? To give this site content?

That’s just because you won’t. I do need to take care of myself.

That’s beside the point. The point of this post is that I drew a picture, and I thought it was fluffy enough to share. 🙂

Anyways, have a great day!

Indeed. Please try to have a great day. Despite the Webmaster’s post…

Puppy dogs!

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve beaten Fluffy to a “Daily Fluff” post! Anyways, don’t worry. I haven’t actually disappeared.

Darn.

Hey, be nice.

Anyways, I’m here to fix a serious wrong: there still aren’t enough cute animal pictures. And there aren’t really any hosted on this webpage.
I’m going to slightly fix this.

Two fluffy white dogs.

The one on the left is about half-Bichon, half-poodle. The grumpy one on the right is pure-bread Bichon

 

Wait, those are dogs?

Of course. What did you think they were?

Well, back home we call them “cotton-balls”

Anywho, have a great day!

Snow.

Hello, readers! I currently live in an area that gets snow.

There are places on your world that do not get snow?

Actually, yes. I used to live in an area that didn’t, so frozen wet stuff that falls from the sky is still quite the novelty, and I’m really enjoying it.

You. Are. Weird.

Hey, be nice.Anyways, one of the things that occurred to me as I was watching the snow fall recently is this:

cloud fight

Giant pillow fight, anyone?

What if a snowstorm is just a huge, tremendous pillow fight? And it’s pillow fluff that’s falling from the skies?

Also, some of the windows make this odd humming sound when there’s wind. So, it actually sounds a bit like a kazoo.

So I have it figured out! Snowstorms are huge pillow fights. Windstorms are some sort of heavenly orchestra. (Don’t ask me why they only have a kazoo.) And blizzards? They’re some sort of epic-snow-storm-movie-scene with orchestral accompaniment. (Still only with kazoo, though.)