Tag Archives: craziness

Boring Things I’m Calling Comfortable (5/6): Breathing

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Hello, Fluffsters! Happy Thursday! Hooray, just one more “comfort” post after this one!

Today’s boring/comfortable topic is:

Why breathing is comfortable.

AKA, 5 important things about breathing.

The first reason is obvious.

1) If you don’t breathe, your lungs start a civil war. That’s right. Keep your lungs happy. Don’t start wars. Breathe.

Wait, wait, wait. WHAT?!

Empty lungs start civil wars. Within your body. The lungs and the brain have an epic show-down. Lungs say: “Yo, brain! Give us some air, or we kill you!” And Brain is like, “Yeah, maybe, but I dunno.” And Lungs are all like “Fine! I’ll KILL YOU!” And Brain is all like, “Wait, what? No need to actually get violent.” And Lungs say, “You have been warned! We have now DESTROYED SOME OXYGEN! If you don’t cooperate, YOU’LL BE NEXT!” And Brain says, “Ack! I didn’t mean it! Don’t give me Carbon Dioxide Poisoning! Here, you can breathe!” and that’s how the civil war ends. And if you’re not careful, the liver will get involved. And your spleen.

You know, I think that may have beat out even your Creeper Rainbow post…

Pft. You.

Anyways, this leads to:

1b) If you don’t breathe, you don’t live very long. This, in my mind, is a problem.

I think I’ll actually not argue with that one…

…Thanks. I’m glad you agree that not-dying is a good thing.

2) If you do breathe, your lungs are happy. And if your lungs are happy, they form alliances with your brain, and your happy hormones. And stuffs. So happy lungs = happy you. So breathe, and make your lungs happy!

3) Breathing is music. Breathing naturally has a rhythm to it (at least when you’re not paying attention to it.) Rhythm is an element of many forms of music. So breathing is clearly music. And since music has all sorts of comforting elements, it’s as though your lungs are calming the rest of your body. So your body might be saying “I want to DESTROY!!1one!” and your lungs are saying, “Ooh, listen to this pretty music.” So your body goes. “Oh. Whoops. No destroyingness today! We’re HAPPY!”

Seriously. Why. Do. I. Try.

Webmaster, what are you even thinking?!

Uh, “thinking?” Define this “thinking” you write of?

…You know, that actually explains a lot.

Anywho.

5) If you don’t breathe, your lungs and nose and mouth stop talking to each other. And you have no idea about resolving conflicts between those three! It’s an absolute nuisance. Breathing keeps them communicating with each other, which is comfortable.

So there you go, Fluffsters! Reasons why the boringness of breathing is actually comfortable.

And don’t forget, I’m really, genuinely looking for feedback on my new CafePress store! Please?