Category Archives: fluffy

Poetry Analysis: The Guy in the Glass

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Greetings, Readers! I wish you a joyous Monday.

I recently came across a poem that is apparently quite popular at chapel / meaningful events. I can somewhat see why, but I think it’s a little undeserved.

The poem is called “Guy in the Glass” or “Man in the Glass“.

Oh, that one! yes, my chapel speaker used that one yesterday.

Yes. As I said, it seems to be a popular piece for “meaningful” events.

This seems to have all the requirements for such an event. After all, it has:

1) An “inspirational” moral message. Don’t look to others for approval. You need to be able to look yourself in the eye. This is a plausible message. For, when you consider it, not all in the world understand precisely what you have done. Only you know your innermost secrets, and so therefore only you can truly know whether you are worthy of looking at yourself in the eye.

2) Predictable rhymes. The first “end word” is self. You can guess that it’s going to rhyme with “yourself.” More predictably, the second “end word” is “day.” It’s a safe bet that the last line will end with “say.” “Wife” rhymes with “life”, “guy” with “eye”, and on. This makes it easier for people to read aloud at inspirational events, and therefore helps the flow of the speech continue smoothly.

Those are the two basic requirements for an “inspirational speech poem” that I’ve come across.

How about you, readers? Can you think of any that belong on the list and are not here? Are they ones that “Guy in the Glass” meets? Or do they actually break the “Guy in the Glass” as inspirational poem deal?

What if Lightsabers were real?

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Greetings, Fluffsters! I wish you all a joyous Saturday.

The online phenomenon you call “news” has been informing me that something called a “lightsaber” might now be a possibility. The article was moderately interesting, and seemed like it might be useful. You should consider reading it.

WHAT? Lightsabers might become a reality? Oh that is so cool!

If you say so…

This invention does bring up some interesting questions, though, if they are as fully capable as the lightsabers of the Star Wars franchise.

What would happen if lightsabers were real?

1) Craft saw companies would go out of business. A sword that can cleanly cut through metal can definitely cut through a piece of wood no problem. It would also have a much nicer finished edge than the metal cut.

2) Food could be more sanitarily made. I’m looking at you, people who use their knives to cut and eat food.

3) More limbs would be missing. Habits die hard, and I’m guessing a few folks would try to eat off the blade of the “knife” they use, never mind that the blade itself can cleanly remove your tongue. And face.

4) Pocket Lightsabers, anyone? You have to admit, that would be pretty cool. Useful, too. It would be similar to a pocket knife, but more easily transportable.

5) TSA would increase even more. Soon they’d need to do some sort of search to ensure that you aren’t taking a mini lightsaber on board the plane.

There are also some questions this raises, though. In the Star Wars universe, the guns are primarily light based. We also have proof that the lightsabers are able to block and reflect the substance of light. What would a lightsaber do to a metal bullet, though? Does it instantly melt, and therefore provide extra casing for the lightsaber? Does the metal vaporize? Would anyone using an extra wide lightsaber be protected from machine gun bullets?

All of these things might be worth considering.

I hope you have a good weekend, Fluffsters!

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

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Once again… what is up with your world?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Really?

Uh, no idea. I hadn’t heard of it. It looks like a spoof of religion, though… Just judging from their definite admission of being legitimate. The church doth protest too much, methinks. Or something like that.

And a flying spaghetti monster? I’m with you Fluffy… That’s just absurd.

Thank you! I hope you’re right…

“The Fox”…

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Your world… I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. WHAT IS UP WITH THE PLANET EARTH?

Uh, wow Fluffy! That’s a little more energetic than usual. What’s the cause of the outburst this time?

The song “The Fox.”

That’s what’s up.

Uh… “The Fox”?

Yes. This.

…That’s sort of catchy. And cute.

And that is what I just don’t get about your world…

What? It’s sort of silly, and very random. And it’s actually sort of charming how the singer pronounces the Duck’s noise more like “Quahk” rather than the traditional “Quack.”

But… it has no content!

Oh, at least it’s better than “Friday.” This song, at least, raises a valid question. What does the fox say? And besides that, much of what it says at the beginning is fairly accurate. You know, at least from our perspective.

It goes through and lists animal noises at the beginning. And then goes on for the rest of the song talking about what the fox might possibly say. Including whether or not foxes would communicate with horses by morse. Seriously. What is going on?

Well, what other language rhymes with “horse”? “Norse?” That’s just plainly idiotic. No fox would speak Norse.

But they might speak morse code? And horses might speak morse as well?

In the songwriters’ defense, they never claim that horses communicate back through morse.

…right. And that makes everything better.

Oh, good! I’m glad I could help.

What? No! I wasn’t serious.

Oh. My bad.

But the fox song apparently does raise a valid point. At least according to Wired.

Fine. I’ll just accept that your world is confusing, and try to let it go at that.

Good plan, that.

Especially since it’s the only one I can come up with. Well, that’s enough for right now. But anyways, Fluffsters, what are your reactions to the song “The Fox”?

Fluffy Animals: Hairless Cats

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Hello, Fluffsters… The Webmaster still hasn’t shown up, and so I guess I’m going to need to take drastic measures and write a post about something she’ll dislike.

Hairless Cats.

That’s right, hairless cats.

Now, you probably don’t normally think of them as fluffy, but you se-

Error: The Webmaster has deleted the rest of this post.

Wait… So I’m not allowed to delete posts, but you are?

Yup. My blog, my rules. That was a lousy topic. But I’m too busy to write a new post right now, so I’m afraid I’m going to need to leave it like this.

Happy Saturday, Fluffsters!

…Yeah. You’d think that if she showed up, she could at least do something useful. Oh well. Happy Saturday!

Fluffy Animals: Unicorns

Note: If this is your first time to TotalFluff, please visit this brief explanation. Thanks!

Ok, so there’s still no sign of the Webmaster.

Although I love the attention, if she keeps not showing up without warning, I might just stop writing these- it’s not as though I like the whole website, or anything.

Today, though, I will continue to create the fluff. I guess I will be able to once more capture Quality Fluff on this page.

Facts About Unicorns

This website, alas, does not actually own any photos of unicorns. But I do have experience with the equivalent creatures on my home world.

1) Yes, unicorns are fluffy. They are so fluffy, in fact, that unicorn fur is able to be spun and then woven into fabric.

2) Unicorn fur is really comfortable. It is, of course, waterproof and protects the skin from the sun. It is also both lightweight and basically climate controlled. In the summer, it seems like a cool fabric. In the winter, however, it is able to completely block out the wind and the cold. It is the best type of fur for warm clothing and for clothing during the warm months.

3) It has innate protective abilities. And not just against weather elements. Unicorn-fur fabric is both really strong and innately protective against magic. Any magic user that can afford them uses Unicorn Cloth as coverings when they work magic.

4) Unicorns are simple, but difficult, to catch. Fortunately for our world and magic users, both men and women can approach unicorns. The simplicity is that you simply need to find the unicorn’s home bunk and bring a diamond. Unicorns eat diamond, and so you need to bring a prime specimen. Once you find the Unicorn Home (which is usually fairly easy to find,) you present the diamond. If it is large enough and stunning enough, the unicorn will approach and trade its fur for the diamond. (By trading its fur, the unicorn basically just sheds its top coat. No harm is done to the unicorn.) It’s a painless process for the unicorn to give its fur.

5) Many wizards must make their own unicorn cloth to become Grand Masters. At least, that is how legend goes. Nobody who is not a wizard actually knows what goes on at the academy. According to urban legend, advanced magic users must complete a series of trials to be considered Grand Masters of the Magical Arts. Unicorns are very picky about what diamonds they accept- diamond-made are preferred. Any wizard who wants to be a Grand Master, then, needs to confront a dragon in order to get the diamond. Or have a lot of money. If a wizard can make his or her own Unicorn Cloth, the assumption is that the wizard has done enough to be considered a Grand Master.

There are a few instances when it’s not enough. The wizard does need to receive the fur directly from the unicorn, you see. But that sort of step-around usually doesn’t happen.

There you go! I hope you enjoyed the peak into life on my home world. Happy Weekend!

Fluffy Animals: Cows

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Really? Three days in a row that The Webmaster hasn’t written a post? Well, I can’t pass this up.

Unfortunately, my stock of unexpectedly fluffy animals is about dry. I guess this means I’ll need to go with more conventionally fluffy animals:

Cows

Yes, cows. I might have done something on a platypus, but there aren’t any photos of them on this website.

So cows.

1) They can be very furry. The one photo this website has is of a particularly furry calf. It’s rather charming, actually.

Furry Cow

Isn’t the cow cute?

This is apparently a Highland Cow.

Highland cows are native to some of the colder regions of your world. They have fluff, though, and therefore qualify as a fluffy animal.

2) Cows give whipped cream. After a process, of course, which involves shaking the cow a lot before milking it.*

3) Similarly, if you freeze a cow before milking it, you get ice cream. If you shake the frozen cow, you get a milkshake.**

*Please don’t actually shake your cow before milking it.

**Please don’t do these either.

4) If you can lift a cow daily from the time it is born you will be able to lift a cow. That is the truth. It might be a miniature cow. It might be a stuffed cow. But if you lift it, you can lift it.

5) Cows are fairly boring. Especially when they charge at you. Have you seen how sharp their horns can be? They can bore a hole right through you!

And so, Fluffsters, I hope you have a wonderful day.

Fluffy Animals: Skunks

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Huh. It looks like the Webmaster still isn’t writing the post. I guess I’ll take over again.

I guess this does give me a bit of an opportunity to continue the odd-animal portion of her fluffy animals series. So…

Fluffy Animals: Skunks

I think that everyone will even agree with me that these animals are fluffy.

A cute looking skunk

Isn’t he cute?

So, here we go.

1) Skunks are fluffy. I think nobody can deny this. They’ve got long fur, and it looks nice, thick, and soft. I think Peeves might be jealous. The fur helps them survive the winter months in comfort. The dark in their fur helps them blend in at night, while the white helps them not become roadkill. Or so I understand.

2) Even with their distinctive markings, skunks still confuse people. I know that there are people who think skunks are a type of cat. Furthermore, some cats think skunks are a type of cat. I heard about a cat that once was very interested in a skunk… Clearly not the brightest of all cats.

3) Wild dogs only need to be sprayed by a skunk once. Afterwords, the animal will steer clear of all skunks in the future. I know that some folks complain about domesticated dogs not learning. There’s a simple reason for that- domesticated dogs still get fed after getting sprayed. In the wild, the stench prevents the canine from catching anything. So not only does the dog smell bad, it also goes hungry until the scent wears off. Aren’t skunks amazing?

4) If their scent is removed, skunks make great pets. I’m not too surprised. A picture demonstrates why- skunks just look so cheerful with people.

A skunk about to jump off of a perch

I wonder where he wants to go…

Doesn’t the little one up there look a bit puppyish or catlike?

5) Skunks show up in more full-length Disney movies than duck-billed platypuses. According to what I was able to find. Finally, a mark in favor of the universally disliked skunks!

Happy Wednesday, Fluffsters!

Fluffy Animals: Porcupines

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Do I believe my eyes? Have I actually started a new post before the Webmaster? Fantastic!

Well, Fluffsters, happy Tuesday! I hope you’re having an excellent week. Due to the Webmaster’s absence, probably due to her continuing vacation, I will be infiltrating her post today. And so, here’s a post about:

Fluffy Animals: Porcupines.

 

Yes, you read that correctly.

Now, granted, porcupines are not the traditional “fluffy animal.” I think that’s a pity. From what I have read, they are quite charming animals, really!

A fluffy porcupine eating a carrot.

Look at the porcupine eating a carrot. Isn’t that darling?

Ok, so if you pet them it’s a problem. But here are some reasons why they are awesome:

1) Their fluff is dangerous. How cool is that? They can prance along, humming gently to themselves, looking adorable, and have an automatic defense system built in! Sweet, huh? It just proves that fluff doesn’t have to be useless.

(No, I’m not trying to prove a point to the Webmaster… What makes you say that?)

2) They live in trees. Seriously. Porcupines live in trees. I don’t know if I can repeat that often enough. Who would have expected that? So, not only do they have spiky fluff (unlike many mammals), they also live in trees. It’s as though they went out of their way to protect themselves. Point two for fluff not being useless! (But who’s keeping track?)

3) They’re happy critters. Of course, if your fluff is dangerous, and you live in a blinkin’ tree, what do you have to be upset about?

Happy looking prancing porcupine.

4) Porcupines are fun in any form. Especially real life, but also in crochet form. I mean, isn’t that amusing? (And aren’t they clearly fluffy?)

5) Carrots are a porcupine’s best friend. That get eaten, and then are gone. So clearly they are not best friends forever, but they still look so cheerful together!

 

Cheerful looking porcupine eating a carrot.

6) Despite their terrifying fluff, porcupines are (mostly) harmless. After all, they are not carnivores. That’s right, your little kitties are possible more dangerous than a pet porcupine. You never hear or read about people feeding mice to their pet porcupines, do you? Clearly, then, they are significantly less deadly to small rodents.

And so, Fluffsters, I wish you a joyous Tuesday.

Obsessed with Royalty 2: Baby

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Your home.

What about it?

You’re still so obsessed with other countries’ royalty!

I mean, really. How many articles about the new royal baby do you need?

First, I think it’s mostly just the British that we obsess about.

Second, given that we’re writing one, at least one more article.

Third, you do realize that you linked to a British article? They’re probably permitted to be more excited about a new royal baby than we are about new presidents every few years.

Ok, fair point. In my defense, though, I did get to that article through an American website.

In all honesty, I’m not actually that upset. The Baby will be important. When it comes down to it, he probably already is important. Even if the monarchs of that realm do not have the same power as in my home land.

Huh? What do you mean?

From what I can tell, the United Kingdom’s monarchs are mostly symbols. I don’t think they do that much in making policy decisions.

But symbols are power. One article put it as the baby being a symbol of the country continuing for another generation. I could understand being excited about that- if it were my own country. Since you Americans aren’t British, though, I don’t entirely get it.

The way I see it, it’s an opportunity for us to make a big fuss and get excited and look at cute baby pictures. The British Royalty are essentially celebrities in America, after all.

I guess that is fair.

That doesn’t mean I have to agree, however.

Of course not. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look for more footage of the new prince!

Well, Happy Wednesday, Fluffsters! I hope you have a great week.