Anyways… Heads up, SPOILERS AHEAD:
It starts off on Earth, with an interview with Santa Claus in the “North Pole.” You see his workshop, elven assistants, and toys.
Then you go to “Mars”. And OH. MY. WORD. It was extremely amusing. The producers decided, of course, that Martians are green. And so the Martians wear totally green, and have green skin paint, that was very poorly applied. It looked like it was peeling.
And they also had hats that were (I guess) supposed to be part of their bodies. Or something. But it had some of the campiest special effects I’ve seen. Ok, so it was a 1964 movie. Even so, the effects were awful by today’s standards.
Anyways, as it goes along, you meet the Martian Family. There are the male and female martian children: Bomar & Girmar. (Boy-Martian & Girl-Martian, anyone?) And also Momar, and Kimar. (Kimar’s the leader. So the entire family fits the rule.)
It’s like they didn’t even try to be original.
So anywho. The children Martians are supposedly depressed and stuff, because they’re watching the “earth programs” on the television. (Of course Martians have TV! Why wouldn’t they have stuff that looks like it’s from a 1960s American home?)
The “plot” truly starts when we discover that Martian children all over Mars are becoming depressed, because they are “not permitted to be children.” (One of the lines in there, from Bomar, is along the lines of “Father, what’s tenderness?”)
So the Martians decide to do what any sane Alien would do: Kidnap Santa, and bring him to Mars! (Nevermind the fact that he wouldn’t be able to breathe the Martian atmosphere, and vice versa. Or that it would take a very long time to make a one-way trip, let alone a round trip…)
So the Martians try to do so. They land on Mars, encounter two children who they then proceed to kidnap, (and whose acting quality, if possible, lowers the average acting ability dramatically) and then proceed to the North Pole.
Upon arrival at the North Pole, the children escape. They’re dressed for New York winter weather, and running around in the -91F North Pole. Seriously. The girl’s in tights, for crying out loud. And they can still run, and don’t mention how frigid it is!
Oh, right. They also come across a “polar bear”. Of all the bad special effects in the movie, that one totally takes the cake. It’s so obviously a man in a polar bear costume, that it’s hilarious. (Willing Suspension of Disbelief was definitely eaten by a polar bear, if it hadn’t already disappeared…)
They eventually capture Santa, who’s a very good sport about all this, and take him back to Mars. On the way, an evil martian who accompanied Kimar tries to kill Santa and the two children. And we hear a joke from Santa that will live in infamy: “Q: What’s soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it’s green? A: A Martian-Mallow.”
Upon their arrival, Kimar shows Santa the toy workshop he’s built. The badguy escapes, and plans on causing mischief. A bit of chaos ensues. Finally, Santa persuades Kimar that one of the minor characters would make a decent Martian Santa, and then returns home to earth. And they all live happily ever after, or something.
Oh, and also randomly thrown in were Air-force stock-footage. You could always tell, because the film quality went dramatically up during those scenes.
So, it was definitely an interesting move. What made it really amusing was watching it with friends who delighted in how bad it truly was. It’s worth watching, if you’re in a mood for a B (or C) rated movie.